Within my nineteen years of existence, I’ve seen people live their lives, and what they say they can or cannot do. I have grown up around a lot of those people, which has lead me to have a very bad mindset.
There are things that I can rationally do, but I tell myself that I can’t do it because everyone does it.
“I can’t break up with them, because they love me.”
“I can’t because it’s too hard.”
“I can’t because I don’t know how.”
The truth is you can, you just don’t know how to do it effectively.
I wish I had the answer for every “I can’t” situation there is, but I don’t have the answers. As soon as you accept that, then you can learn what’s wrong and how to fix the “I can’t” to “I’m trying to learn how to”
Something that I have had a really rough time doing, is loving myself when things get really hard for me. Whenever I get depressed or make a mistake I get really hard on myself and tell myself horrible things to make myself feel worse as if it’s going to do something positive for my life. Because I feel like I deserve it, after every little bad thing I’ve done.
Maybe that’s because of the way my dad would yell at me every time I did something little, or maybe it’s because of the intense bullying I went through as a kid all the way until my sophomore year.
It’s such a weird thing for your internal voice to grow as you grow up. Every person you interact with, gives you a little part of your internal voice and how you treat yourself.
When it comes to me, I always say “I can’t” when it comes to my self love and worth, because it feels impossible to run away from this evil part of myself. But I think that’s part of the problem, I called myself evil. At least I can recognize that about myself, but I feel like not everyone is lucky to have that kind of self awareness about themselves.
I think it’s always going to be hard for me to love myself, but I think that I need to at least try or else I’ll never even have a chance to love myself.
Something you also have to realize whatever you wouldn’t say to people, don’t ever say to yourself. You have to treat yourself like you would your best friend, otherwise you’ll never get to understand and love yourself the right way. You’ll always be stuck in the “I can’t”.
I think that the first step to getting rid of the “I can’t” is recognizing where your mindset is coming from verbally, and then taking that into learning how to stop saying “I can’t”.
The song vibe right now: Olivia O’Brien — Love Myself
